Not Enough Massacre in Funk vs. Leatherface

Here's the most dramatic thing you'll hear today: I haven't seen The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

I know, right? Despite being a longtime fan of horror, and even being a practitioner within the genre, I've never carved out the time to sit down to watch one of its most foundational texts ever. Texas Chain Saw to me exists as a loose combination of images that I've picked through pop cultural osmosis alone: Leatherface bursting through a shady doorway, a depraved family sitting at a gruesome dinner table, and our main villain dancing under the sun while swinging his titular weapon to close out the show. The most shameful thing of all, the closest I ever got to experiencing the movie is via the Angry Video Game Nerd's review of the Atari 2600 video game adaptation.

All of which is to say, I don't have anything attached to the Leatherface that shows up here in IWA Japan against Terry Funk. Funk's legacy overshadows everything involved in this match, a much greater Texan icon in my estimation than even the inspiration for his opponent's gimmick.

Funk's the main attraction to this match. He sort of has to be as despite the Leatherface gimmick, there's not much chainsaw or even massacre that goes into this bout. For a few thrilling minutes, one can't quite tell if the loud brrring of the chainsaw that Leatherface brings to the ring is being piped in via the arena's sound system or actually the damn thing buzzing in his hands. Watching it back, I still can't quite tell, but I do like to believe in the somewhat insane idea that this man was swinging a live chainsaw around like Stan Hansen's lariat just hoping to god nobody in the crowd got caught in the crossfire. The fact that the chainsaw never comes into play--not even as a blunt force weapon--lends credence to the idea that maybe it's the real deal honestly.

Funk's the one that brings the best to the proceedings here. His baseline as a wrestler always come out to interesting at the very least, even when he's not quite reaching the stratospheric greatness that he's capable of. Here that translates to his raw charisma and physicality being applied to a fairly standard and mild brawl within a cage. This ain't Magnum/Tully, but the Funker's still good to throw some real heaters in this. Credit to ole Rick Patterson under the Leatherface mask too, he's got a couple good punches in him here as well.

Funker also brings a certain recklessness to this that really isn't called for by the occasion. Early on, he dangles wildly from the side of the cage, almost threatening to fall off. When he's dragged back in by Leatherface, he actually gives us a nice little pratfall testicle-first into the top rope before crashing back into the ring.

At the end of the day though, Funk's not the focus here at all even. Despite winning the thing, everything seems to be much more of a set up for the Leatherfaces angle to come as the one in the ring gets distracted by the one that appears at the end of the bout.

That's all right, Funker. They can't all be winners.

Rating: **1/2